There’s a popular saying that goes,
When I was happy I enjoyed the music, but when I was sad I understood the lyrics.
I always heard the lyrics more than the melodies or the beat. For as long as I can remember I’ve always analyzed lyrics like people would read poetry; breaking down and understand every meaning in every line.
This past year has been, indisputably, the hardest year of my life. I’ve gone to the mountains, and backpacked through Europe, all in hopes to understand my life and my depression. I’ve fought with my depression for a long time, but it was only until this year did I truly learn to understand my disease. It was this year that I found out exactly how sick I’ve been. Now that I can see exactly how long I’ve been sick, all I feel is shame for my past. All the hurts I caused others and myself because I had been sick and I never really understood that. Instead, I’d just put on some music and tap into the only feeling that I knew: the sadness, hopelessness, and despair.
But today is a different story, and I’m trying to play a different tune.
So here is a playlist to celebrate hope, and to talk about tomorrow. Something completely unknown to the world, with limitless possibilities. Tomorrow anything is possible. Recovery is possible. Happiness is possible. Love, and being loved, is still possible.
Enjoy the music, but let’s write lyrics for a better tune.
One that says, “We’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Above all else, we choose to stay. We choose to fight the darkness and the sadness, to fight the questions and the lies and the myth of all that’s missing. We choose to stay, because we are stories still going. Because there is still some time for things to turn around, time for surprises and for change. We stay because no one else can play our part.
Life is worth living.
We’ll see you tomorrow.”
For more information on National Suicide Prevention Day, or to get help, visit TWLOHA.
You aren’t alone. Your story is important. Please don’t give up.
Post-script: I took this photo on a bridge in Paris, thinking about all the hearts, hopes, and dreams that were thought and left on the bridge. I left one too, one that says I will be back here one day, but I won’t be alone.